Couples: tips for the introvert and extrovert pair
I am sitting down today to chat about relationships between extroverts and introverts with Jessica of Pretty Prints and Paper. Jessica will be letting us in on her side of being in a relationship as an extrovert, and I can’t wait for you to hear it from her perspective!
Jessica is also an ambivert, which makes her kind of an expert on both angles, as ambiverts’ personalities are fairly balanced between being extroverted and introverted. Hopefully we introverts can all take something away from this podcast episode!
Diving right into it, Jessica explains what it means to “love like an extrovert.” She tends to externalize feelings, while he tends to internalize. In her words, “It feels like he is a succulent, or a cactus, where you give some form of love at some point and he can hold onto that for some time. Whereas, I am like a sunflower...and I would prefer to have a bit more touchpoint.”
And of course, in his mind he is like, “I already told you I love you. Do I have to do that again?” (sound familiar?).
Over the years, Jessica has learned not to take silence or space in their long distance relationship as something she should internalize. Talking about their divide in expectations has really helped their relationship succeed, and is a big takeaway from this episode today.
If you are in an introvert/extrovert dynamic with a partner, friend or even family member, you probably have noticed that extroverts need energy that introverts might not crave or value as much. Figuring out how to manage energy has been a learning experience for Jessica and her partner. Some ways they handle their different energy patterns are:
· Planning an outing, not springing an outing on him (and giving him time to mentally prepare for social interactions, like we have discussed in past episodes!).
· Transitioning into and out of social events (buffer time before and after).
· Establishing a space to decompress and indulge in a little “time-out” when things get overwhelming.
Overall, the big question is:
What do introverts need to know about our extroverted friends, partners, and family members?
Extroverts don’t default into themselves
They default to processing thing verbally in the moment while introverts take stock internally.
Your needs are different (but be vocal about your own)
If something is bothering you, how is your partner going to know if you suppress your wants and needs?
Compromising is Key
Compromise is, hands down, an important part in having a successful relationship. As Jessica pointed out, “What is the balance between compromise and compromising yourself?” The important thing to remember is that changing who you are is different than accommodating.
As always, it is enlightening to learn about the extrovert’s brain so we can successfully navigate relationships this crazy world we live in.