Introverts in Bed: Interview with Leah of Good Girls Talk About Sex Podcast
I had the pleasure of having Leah of the Good Girls Talk About Sex podcast on the Introvert’s Bubble for an interview. When I asked her what made her think about doing her podcast and how it related to her being an introvert, she explains how spending most of her life being terrified of sex had a lot to do with being an introvert and not knowing how to interact with people she was interested in.
Even the sex education we get from our parents and school doesn’t cover everything, especially consent. What they teach is basically about disease and how to prevent yourself from getting pregnant.
Leah explains how the BDSM community actually helps teach us how to give consent, because in order to participate in any of those activities, you have to communicate, negotiate, and set your limits. Then, you need to trust your partner to respect those boundaries. Those of us who aren’t active members of the BDSM community are starting to learn about consent and negotiation from them. Introverts tend to be great communicators which helps us understand and put these lessons of communication and negotiation to work for us.
We talk about how you’re supposed to be partners and both enjoy what’s going on. Women don’t have to be quiet and meek. We should talk to our partners and ask what for what we want. We have all been told these things about how it should be, but everyone is different.
On her podcast, Leah is able to ask people who come on the show about what they like, what they expect, and how they feel things should be. She asks them questions like do they make noise during sex? Do they enjoy certain things? Do they have hair down there or not? We need to know that the choices we are making are okay because not everyone is the same in what they want or need.
Some people think that the guy should have a better idea of what’s going on, but we should know the basics too. Leah talks about how this is a culturally potent idea and keeps us out of the ownership of our own pleasure experience. Our ability as introverts to have deep conversations is a bonus point to having better sexual communication and encounters with our partners, telling them what we want and need from the experience.
Two things Leah says introverts can work on in these kinds of relationships are:
Conversations about what we desire
Sharing that with our partners in a way that leaves us feeling empowered and good about asking for and receiving it
The fact of the matter is that different people like different things, and even the smallest changes can make things less awkward. Some people like their shoulder touched, while some don’t. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Assuming that every partner is going to respond the same way is just not true.
Leah explains that when there are cultural assumptions, we need to ask if it is really true for us and what we need to get the most pleasure, connection, and fulfillment that is available to us. So, why not spend more time thinking about what will give us that result and then talk to our partner about it?
There’s no rule book that you’re supposed to have sex on a certain date. It is about connection and making it fulfilling for both of you. If you treat it like a game, then you are on opposite sides and someone always loses. That isn’t great for any relationship or for having sex.