Introvert Dating with Apps: Interview with Martha
I had another fellow introvert, Martha, on the show and we talked about dating and apps. Martha and I met during another event, through someone who noticed that we were both introverts. It’s difficult to find introverts out at events because they typically don’t go to as many.
Dating feels like it’s really hard and as an introvert, it’s even harder. Martha talked about dating apps and how she uses them and finds them helpful. She discussed how they are a great tool for introverts because you can showcase your personality with a couple of lines of text and some pictures. You don’t have to talk to them for hours to figure them out, and if you don’t want to meet them in person, then you don’t have to. As introverts, we tend to put out strong vibes that we aren’t there to talk or get to know new people, and that can hinder our dating or meeting new people.
Some of the dating apps that Martha has used are eHarmony, Match, Tinder, Bumble, OK Cupid, Coffee Meets Bagel, and Hinge. She had been dating someone for 3 ½ years when they broke up a little over a year ago. She didn’t want to be alone, so she downloaded all the dating apps. She met her long-term boyfriend on TInder and her current boyfriend on Bumble.
Martha explains how the different apps can be used for different things. Tinder is more of a hookup type of app because there are a large number of people, while Hinge is really great for relationships because their profiles are more detailed and they use a different method to matching couples. The ones that require more information might be overwhelming for introverts because they have a lot of questions and information for you to fill out. It also depends on your age range. If you’re in the 30-45 age range, you might enjoy eHarmony or Match more.
On the free apps, you can play around with your profile easier because they’re not as in-depth. Tinder has a very short bio and some others allow you to add music to your profile. It can be a lot of work to fill out the profiles, but Martha is of the mindset that dating should be fun, especially in the beginning. Expectations should be managed on those first dates so that you can keep things fun and just get to know each other. You are allowed to be picky, and you should be!
Martha describes her worst date as being one where she was matched with a guy on two different dating apps and thought that was a good sign. From the beginning, he only wanted to talk on Snapchat, which she says she later realized was a red flag that she should have noticed. He also couldn’t meet up quickly and the first date was two weeks later. He ended up smoking a cigar on their walk together, inhaling the nicotine too fast and throwing up on the sidewalk three times. Since they were out for a walk, she had no method of escape.
When it comes to safety, Martha says she has sometimes worried about her safety, but not in an immediate danger kind of way. Sometimes she would invite her dates to her house for a drink or a movie, and the initial moment of inviting them and giving them her address made her a little nervous. She recommends you make it a regular practice to always tell a friend where you are going so that they know in case something happens. She says you should also always have a getaway planned in case you need it.
In the end, Martha says dating isn’t for everyone. It’s okay to be alone and it’s okay if you don’t want to date. The best place to date from is when you feel happy with who and where you are. Being single is not a bad thing and many people even choose to be single. Date when you are ready to.